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Solomon2_2
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Name: Jess
Birthday: 4/12/1980
Gender: Female
Interests: King of kings, people, music, photography, cooking, good conversations, walks, ultimate frisbee, watching basketball and Dairy Queen blizzards
Expertise: Knowing I am in need.
Occupation: Customer service/support
Industry: Retail
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
10/29/2005
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| A Door of Hope in the Valley of Trouble    
(Fall colors in Colorado and the Elk fighting for their women)
Life in Suburbia, CO has been a bit of a desert. I've tried repeatedly to get back into missions with doors slamming in my face and good ideas coming to nothing. I have cried, screamed, and prayed my brains out asking God what is going on! In my spiritual temper tantrum, I've had this nagging question in me of wondering why things start so awesome and end so dramatically. I did a lot of introspection, badgered friends, sought counsel, and still felt there was an "AH HA" moment that needed to happen.
One night I had a dream I was at the store trading in three foundational rocks to trade in for something. I didn't know what it meant or thought there was anything important to it. Then, God started to show me key moments I stay quiet and let people misunderstand me that could be cleared up by loving conversations, but my faulty belief that a Christian should forgive by being silent and not confront people when they gossip or get you wrong. I tend to carry the pain by either pretending it doesn't matter and leaving the relationship or in my body in unhealthy ways.
Followed by that, I read this quote about destructive cycles of women in conflict, "Not reflecting the Truth that 'love always perseveres' (1 Corinthians 13:7), women easily give up on people when wrongs occur and relationships become rocky. Instead of showing grace through loving confrontation and forgiveness, women regularly 'move on' to new relationships." I started understanding why I have been on the move so much: yes, sometimes by the leading of God, and other times by my giving up and fear of working on relationships.
I guess I had this idea that once you talk to someone, it's done and things will just go back to normal, no more confrontations. The only thing I think in life that happens once to solve our problems is Jesus' death on the cross. Everything else is almost a daily, event: dishes, working out, mowing the lawn, weeding, showering, laundry, showering, eating, and yes, relationship discussions. This is the 2nd law of thermodynamics, entropy, (which means transformation), which says all things are moving into a state of disorder, not order. Things will always move towards disorder because of the curse on this world, and without a pulling of weeds or washing, it just gets worse.
This was a huge light on my brokenness and it seems like life makes sense all of a sudden. I know the reality of myself that it is difficult to form new habits and foundations in life. My prayer is not for one day or a week or a season of understanding but for a transformation in my ways of relationship conflict and to love with perseverance instead of giving up when difficulties come: to reflect Jesus instead of myself. Hosea 2:15, "There (in Denver) I will give her back her vineyards (ability to grow in love), and will make the Valley of Trouble (relationships) a door of hope (ability to try to change). There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt (praise God that He gives us time and the desire to change!)."
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The Road goes ever on and on--- J. R. R. Tolkien | | |
| You Move Me
by Garth Brooks
This is how it seems to me, life is only therapy
real expensive and no guarantees
so i lie here on the couch with my heart hanging out
frozen sold with fear like a rock in the ground
But You move me
You give me courage i didn't know i had
You move me
Now i can't go with you and stay where i am, so You move me
This is how love was to me, i could look and not see
Going through the emotions, not knowing what they mean
It scared me so much, that i just wouldn't budge
i might of stayed there forever if not for Your touch
But You move me
out of myself, into the fire
You move me
now i'm burning with love, hope, and desire
how You move me
You go wistling in the dark, making light of it
and i follow with my heart, laughing all the way
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If to be feelingly alive to the sufferings of my
fellow-creatures is to be a fanatic, I am one of the most incurable fanatics
ever permitted to be at large--William Wilberforce
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|  Luke 22:31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift (all of) you as wheat. 32But I have prayed (specifically) for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
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